After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
