Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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