I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
