When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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