I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Someone shattered a urinal.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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