I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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