The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
