your parents love me but you hate me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
