Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize