His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
