im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
