The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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