Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
