I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
