For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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