I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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