I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
