he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
