whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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