i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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