so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
