she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
