Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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