Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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