Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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