If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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