EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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