Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
