guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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