I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
