Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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