my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
