My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
