do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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