Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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