No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
