Got a toothbrush?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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