After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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