We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
