Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
