It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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