i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize