Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
