u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
