i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
