it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize