its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
