Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
