I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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