Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
