he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
