I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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