dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
