At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
