did you get engaged???
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize