The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
