dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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