oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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