Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
