2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
