i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize