I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
