There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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