I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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